I definitely like talking about Facebook rules. It constantly appears to be a controversial subject-- and for great factor. For the life of me I can't figure out why individuals put so much stock into their Facebook life.
Add Facebook Friends
" Did you see my status today? Why didn't you see my status? When will you Like my status?"
Yeesh, enough already!
I even wrote a post called "Genuine" Buddies vs. Facebook Friends that went over how developed a few of us get about including "friends" to our network.
However including friends to your list is all a part of the Facebook fun, right? Incorrect!
It's not a race, it's not a competitors, and you shouldn't be too eager to send a pal demand to somebody you simply met or just talked to for seven seconds in the elevator. So, before you invest hours waiting anxiously in front of your computer to see if Beth-- who you have never spoken to but see in the hallway every day - will accept your request, let's draw back the veil of Facebook friendship.
Here are my leading 3 Quick and Dirty Tips on how quickly you can legitimately buddy someone on Facebook:
Tip 1: The New Romance
Okay class, by a program of hands, the number of of you have stalked someone on Facebook?
Come on now, I do not see each and every single hand up ... due to the fact that it needs to be.
Facebook stalking (in the safe/non-threatening sense) is when you search for a total stranger, or someone you loosely understand, and take a self-guided trip of their page. The photo album entitled "Summer season 2013"-- do not mind if I do!
This specifically happens when you are about to go on a date with someone or have actually simply gone a very first date. So as you're exchanging stories about what you like to do on the weekends, a thought comes to mind, "Should I friend them?" Then you teeter back and forth, not sure if you should make the very first relocation. It's like a social video game of ping pong with one side of your brain saying, "Naturally! Go for it, they'll like it!" and the other side stating, "Wait ... I'll look like a stalker."
After a date is over, you typically have a smart idea of whether there will be a 2nd date. And therein lies your response. If you can see this individual being a "buddy"-- either platonically or with advantages - then it's a yes. However, if you think to yourself, "I'm unsure I wish to see this person again," then the response is most likely "No" to adding them as a Facebook friend.
Let's be honest, you won't get an award for having 10,000 buddies on Facebook, and you will not be kicked out for having only 10. If you're fretted about whether to extend a buddy request or not, ensure that you can truly call them a pal in the first location (or a minimum of that they're someone with good friend potential). When you include a person to your facebook circle, they'll see whatever you do. They'll learn if you're "in a relationship" and if you put "it's made complex" as your status while dating them. They have access to your every move ... awwwwkward.
So if you see this opting for more than a couple of dates or staying "simply buddies," then go all out. Nevertheless, if there is any doubt, do not feel obligated to accept their demand or extend one yourself. You don't owe a complete stranger a window into your social life.
Tip 2: The Office "Buddy".
Facebook in the office is like diving in an old boat wreck-- you never ever know what freaky things you'll discover around each dark turn when you dig deep enough.
Take one Modern Manners Guy Facebook buddy, Mike, who asked me about friending a great girl called Stephanie, who operates in the cube across from him. He stated she is funny, always going to assist a fellow colleague, never complains about having to work late, and is normally the ideal coworker. Nevertheless, the one thing Mike didn't discuss was that he's just been at this job for six days and has yet to utter a single word to Miss Terrific. He looked her up on Facebook (Stalker, table for one!) and it ends up they have a lot in common. Oh, yeah, except for one minor information like really being pals!
The workplace is no place to take threats with Facebook. If you are not good friends in genuine life, you cannot be good friends on Facebook. It's that simple. So in Mike's case, I advised him to hold back up until he had at least one discussion with Stephanie where they linked on a non-work issues such as food, TV, films, hobbies, etc. This is where a real friendship happens. Not simply talking about spreadsheets or conferences.
I told him that if Stephanie received his friend demand without ever having contact with him previously, she would more than likely think 3 things:.
- Mike - who is Mike? Oh, wait, is it that person across from me? We're not friends.
- Wait a second, did he look my name up on Facebook just to discover me? Ewww.
- If I don't accept he'll understand due to the fact that we see each other every day and it will be uncomfortable. I do not like him for putting me in this position.
See where I'm going here?
If you are truly itching to make the "buddy" move, begin an enjoyable discussion on a regular basis - personally. As you do this, bring up something about Facebook like, "Oh, check this out, my good friend just published the funniest photo of his pup on Facebook." Now we're getting somewhere!
Then, while on the topic of Facebook, do not hesitate to ask about whether the person is on it or not. See how they react and try to read it from there. Continue even more if-- and only if-- you feel there is an actual friendship besides, "Can you inform me where the meeting room is?".
Tip 3: Goofy Relatives.
Here's a number of realities about social networks:.
- 60% of 50-60-year-olds are active on social media.
- in the 65+ bracket, 43% are using social networks.
So there should be not a surprise that Facebook specifically is not a "kid thing." Many older people are reaching out to relatives of any ages to connect and capture up on the most recent news in their life. Which's great!
Nevertheless, let's take a look at the case of one Modern Manners Person fan named Angela. She is a devoted "Facebooker" and shares whatever with her buddies (her words). She jokes that she in fact overshares in some cases. At a recent household event, Angela reconnected with a cousin who is 10 years older. Angela got house and sent a good friend demand, her cousin accepted, however things went south a week later on. Ends up, her cousin was not a huge fan of Angela's way of life. This cousin would send out messages informing Angela that she disagreed with her options, her pictures, her status updates. Suddenly, Angela ended up being Relative Enemy # 1, all because she published swimsuit photos from her trip to Mexico.
The thing about loved ones is that they tend to get a complimentary pass when it pertains to sharing their opinions of you. Buddies may keep back, or be more protected with their feelings, but family members - man, oh man, they have less of a buffer (which, by the way, I do not believe is fair - but that's a subject for another episode).
For Angela, this is a case of not appropriately measuring your relationship with the person prior to sending a friend demand. Friending someone on Facebook sounds really simple: "I like this individual-- why not include them?" However, we tend to forget that not everyone will value our funny bone or what we share. When we buddy somebody prior to discovering whether they're on our wavelength, we take the threat of angering them if they don't share our views. Always bear in mind that your innocent post might not be so innocent to someone with a various outlook on life. However now that you're "friends," they have the right to talk about it.